Last week we were playing Super Heroes and you asked me which superpower I would pick if I could pick any and I gave you the only answer - the ability to stop time.
How are you five??? So often lately I have been surprised at your startling muscled body*. Just yesterday I was feeding you mashed fruit because your little hands couldn't quite figure it out, and today you're making spaceships and camels and (according to Daddy) are ready for real Legos. I had a pretty good cry over that last night. I think I'm more attached to your Dupelo blocks than you are. But Daddy says it's time and you really want them, so I will weepingly oblige and admit for the millionth time this week that you're growing up.
This has been a year of change for The Penlands. We became five and you became a big brother and asked the Holy Spirit to fill your heart and he did. People ask me how you're doing with all the changes and I tell them what you told me - God put a great love in your heart for Trey and Rosalee and he's growing it like a tree.
This morning we played "babies" and I laughed when you told the doctor to "get this baby out of here!". Daddy says I should start letting you wake up by yourself but I just can't. All too soon you'll decide playing babies with Mommy isn't 'epic', but for now our morning time together is something we both treasure.
I didn't expect this birthday to be so hard for me, but it is. I've been told I should be glad you're only five, but right now it feels like all of five. I miss my baby but I'm so proud of the little boy you've become, and count my blessings that I can still add "little" to your description. One day even the boy will be gone, so for now I'll savor the time and fight back to tears. All my love to you Super E!
Love,
Mommy
*A line from one of our favorite poems by Galway Kinell.
Some words that were in my head when I was rocking you to sleep, one night five years ago...
hE
The weight of his body against mine
one fifth my size
the universe leans against me in green and brown striped footed pajamas
The weight of his body against mine
is Enough.
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