A Question and A Smile

Posted by Traci at 10:46 AM

When we started the adoption process I prayed God would prepare our hearts and minds for whatever lay ahead. He so did, in a million ways. One of those was through Empowered to Connect and that whole universe, a hidden gem (at least hidden to the majority of the world) that changed our lives. Through ETC I learned about protecting our kids stories and trust and safety. But sometimes I worry that we take the privacy concern a bit too far.

I was adopted as an infant. I am brown, my parents are white, and we lived in Georgia. So…questions. Lots of them. A million times my Mom was asked about me; where I was from, about my “pretty skin”, etc, and a million times I heard her talk about El Salvador and God’s grace. Her excitement was infectious, and more than a few families in the deep South brought home and nurtured babies because of my parent’s influence. But her joy in telling did more than change other families. It changed me.

As I was thinking about my past, I realized that every time my Mom answered those questions (though I rolled my eyes from feigned boredom) her words reinforced within me the truth that I am loved, I am wanted, God is writing my story. There's a large push within the adoption world to protect our kids' stories, and I get that, but I worry that my immature brain would have interpreted any hesitation or strain in her voice not as ‘she’s protecting my story’ but as ‘she’s ashamed’. Nothing could have been further from the truth.

Me and Mom, around 1978

Now let me say that my parents did a lot of things right, which probably set the stage for my angst-free attitude toward my adoption. People always ask me when I found out I was adopted and I always ask them when they found out they were American. There’s no answer to that. It just was. In our house there were always, always, always stories about soldiers and airports and God and love and love and love. Adoption was this pleasant cloud that existed alongside my brother’s scary NICU stay and my mom's prior miscarriages, all a part of the fabric God used to weave four people into a family. If my parents hadn’t been so open about my adoption maybe my response to the bazillion questions would have been different. I don’t know.

I still haven’t figured out how to balance truth and grace in regard to my own kids’ past. But I’m praying I will. If we really are walking placards of God’s redemption story then shouldn’t we share that, even if we leave out all the details? I wince a little when I start to shut down the lady at Costco with a question and a smile on her face before she can even say a word. I read this verse this morning as these things were swirling in my mind:

Celebrate God all day, every day. I mean, revel in him! Make it as clear as you can to all you meet that you’re on their side, working with them and not against them. Help them see that the Master is about to arrive. He could show up any minute! (Philippians 4)

Mom and Dad with my son, celebrating our Letter of Approval from China a few summers ago

I pray that I can do this, that the Holy Spirit – who loves and wants to protect my kids way more than I do – will take the lead in all my conversations. I pray the same for you.