Rosalee is having a tougher time adjusting than Trey. Totally natural given her older age. I’ve spent the last year reading about
adjustment issues. But when it actually
happens, well…I realize now that sympathetically reading Hatmaker while sitting on
my couch isn't adequate preparation.
Nothing is.
I have read horror stories
of these children from hard places being violent and raging, and that is NOT
what is happening with us. Rosalee just
isn’t very fond of us right now. She
will go from tolerating to semi-liking me, but Chip is a different story. As usual, my ROCK STAR of a husband is doing
his best and trying sooo hard with her, but she is rejecting him at nearly
every turn. And that kills me because
he’s basically my favorite person in the world.
So today I’m praying and thinking
and being nauseous and not eating (sorry Mom) and not sleeping and praying and
thinking how do I deal with this. I’ve read
all the stuff and know the answer is “it just takes time” but right now that’s
not good enough. It’s just not. I need a real answer. For Rosalee and for me. And God gave it to me – in a book I read
twenty years ago and re-read on a whim this summer.
I bought the 20th
edition of the Experiencing God workbook in June as something to do when
Chip was in Honduras. EG teaches us this
– God does not have a plan for your life.
God has a plan. And he asks you
to join him. Will you drop your dreams,
your big and little ideas, and chase after him and his work? It’s so easy to say yes when we’re sitting in
bible study, but when God truly asks you to let go of everything you’ve ever
hoped for and follow him…well that’s the question. The writer of Experiencing God calls this the
“crisis of belief”. Um yeah, that’s
where I am.
In the last four days God has shown me that this adoption
was never about creating my perfect family.
It was about his work of giving a little girl a home. That’s it.
There is no great scheme of how everything that happens makes my life
better. But following God will always
make my life more.
I KNOW Rosalee will attach to us
in time. But truthfully, even if she
never does, this is still God’s plan because he has called us to this. And I love her. Super duper.
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