You know THAT one

Posted by Traci at 10:59 PM

Here’s what I’ve learned – the process of Traci changing from rust into gold, from easily irritated / constantly complaining / zero patience me into a woman filled up and leaking the personality of Christ – it’s slow going. But it’s going. And sometimes in God’s kindness, I make a few leaps.

There have been two times in my life of leaping. Both happened when I was intensely unhappy and freaked out about my current circumstances: where I lived, where I worked, where I didn’t live, where I didn’t work (unemployment sucks). I recently experienced a third leap. In the loss of a dear friend, God showed me …me. And it wasn’t very pretty.

I should have known something was coming. In the past weeks, I’ve read so many verses about God breaking bad on his chiren. Then I started running into things like this:

Do you think all God wants are sacrifices—empty rituals just for show? He wants you to listen to him! Plain listening is the thing, not staging a lavish religious production. Not doing what God tells you is far worse than fooling around in the occult.

1 Samuel 15:22-23 (The Message)

For the love of Christ compels us, because we judge thus: ...that those who live should live no longer for themselves, but for Him who died for them and rose again.

2 Corinthians 5:14-15

Here are six things God hates,

and one more that he loathes with a passion:

eyes that are arrogant,

a tongue that lies,

hands that murder the innocent,

a heart that hatches evil plots,

feet that race down a wicked track,

a mouth that lies under oath,

a troublemaker in the family.

Proverbs 6:16-19

Hatred stirs up trouble,

but love forgives all wrongs.

Proverbs 10:12

But if you just use my words in Bible studies and don't work them into your life, you are like a stupid carpenter who built his house on the sandy beach. When a storm rolled in and the waves came up, it collapsed like a house of cards.

Matthew 7:26 (The Message)

Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat—I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self.

Luke 9:23-34 (The Message)

I die every day. 1 Corinthians 15:31

Talk about some smacks upside the head! God showed me that even though I’d learned a ton about my friendship with/allegiance to/trust in/survival in/meaning in Him (in previous leaps), I've learned almost nothing about my relationships with other people. I have been known to stir up some trouble for sure. I’ve almost Olympic medaled in it actually. But that's gotta go like Flo Jo (who I actually saw in person AT the Olympics btw). God wants me to ooze kindness and grace and goodness in every single one of my friendships, familyships, acquaintances, strangerships. To kill and kill again my desire to get the credit, get my point across, get the best part, get a break, to be RIGHT. Oh my goodness do I want to BE RIGHT!

This is ridiculously hard for me, but it must become as natural as breathing. I must ask the Holy Spirit to let Traci and all her needy-ness die and fill me with his everything-ness.

One of Eli's favorite songs of late is PFR's "Trials Turned to Gold". Although I don't remember it I guess told him about the stuff that's been swirling in my head because he keeps asking for that song (key whiny voice) "you know the one about God making us into gold but it hurts and you know THAT one". I do know that one. All too well.