In adoptionville they say a kid forgets what happens in the
first three months after they come home.
I’m pretty much counting on that.
I haven’t exactly been the picture of patience with the gremlins.
Trey is two. One more time, Trey is two. Enough said. But in addition to being two he’s also a mama’s boy to the
core, fights for my attention, doesn’t mind if I help him put on socks, etc. Rosalee, well she’s more like… me.
She’s actually just like me. She has an extremely strong idea about what she wants,
doesn’t need your help, and at times seems like she can do with or without
you. Probably more accurate to say
at times she seems like she can do with or without me. Having been around myself for the last
few months I can’t say that I blame her.
Two weeks ago my parents came to spend some time with the
kids and help. Although I didn’t let
them do everything, my parents are awesome and took over a ton of my drudgery
duties. I even got to sleep late a
couple of days (and would have slept late everyday if my Dad had his way).
I don’t know what happened in the two weeks they were here,
but the first day I took care of the kids after they left, I noticed Rosalee
was calmer than I had ever seen her.
And I was calmer than she had ever seen me. And I had no idea why. Nothing about our routine or circumstances had changed, but
somehow we had.
You know how you can go all day without eating, but not notice
you’re starving until you see a Pizza Hut commercial? My current state of calm has made me realize I've been in a
freaky fight-or-flight mode since we started packing for Ch*na five months ago. Got to pack this, got to look at this
list, got to get that notarized, got to tell E this, got to, got to, got to.
Once I was in that mode it was hard, and apparently impossible to get out. When we got home and got through the hell, hell, hell that is jetlag with two new toddlers, I still felt myself pushing. Get breakfast by 9, do the dishes right now, get everyone dressed by 10, etc, etc. Many days I wondered why these things felt so urgent, but I couldn’t figure it out so I just kept going. As fast as possible.
Once I was in that mode it was hard, and apparently impossible to get out. When we got home and got through the hell, hell, hell that is jetlag with two new toddlers, I still felt myself pushing. Get breakfast by 9, do the dishes right now, get everyone dressed by 10, etc, etc. Many days I wondered why these things felt so urgent, but I couldn’t figure it out so I just kept going. As fast as possible.
Then my parents came.
And I slept til noon. Three
times. And I didn’t do the dishes
for fourteen days. And it changed
me. The sense of urgency I felt
for so long was gone. I felt… good…calm…rested.
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| The only thing Papa could get Trey to play with at Kidsplay. |
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| Hangin' with Nannie |
My husband is beyond awesome and gave me many long “breaks”
(our code for retreating to the bedroom pleasures of junk food and Netflix) in
the last few months, but it was never enough to slow my mind down completely. I think it’s interesting that my parents
schedule had them come right at the three-month mark. I believe God knew I wasn’t ready before then, that my
engines needed time to wind down before they stopped.
God calls everyone who follows him to fight for the orphan,
but I tell you what, God is the one fighting for them
in this house. He’s filling up the
calm He gave me with constant whispers like give
her one more try, he needs a hug more than a stern look, go calm her, rock him
awhile longer, why don’t you lay down with her, take them for a walk, I am with
you.
The thing is I know all these
things. I went to a conference and
read books and blogs and facebook posts that all screamed “Stop! Listen!
Connect!”. But only God could move
those thoughts from my head to my heart.
The kids are responding. To love and patience.
Imagine that.
The other day Rosalee stopped playing and came over to where
I was just to give me a hug. Out
of the blue. Melted me. But I know it wasn’t me. It was God living through me, giving me
the grace of telling me exactly what to do. And constantly urging me to pass that grace on. I’m thankful he knows how to raise me.
FYI – when we started the adoption process we prayed God
would prepare our hearts. One huge way he’s done this is
through the Empowered To Connect world.
Dr. Karyn Purvis is a world-renowned child development researcher, and has
dedicated her life to helping children from “hard places”. But her methods are for any family. Below are two short videos on the ETC website.
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